Lost for a Day

It feels terrible, when you suddenly realize you don’t know who you are anymore. It’s weird. Last month I could tell you who I was, what made me tick, the things I really hate, what I was meant to do with my life. But now, everything’s so clouded I can’t even see myself.

It’s like floating in space, no up and no down, everything looking the same. That’s when you just want to close your eyes and wait for some planet or other heavenly body to pull you over, to give you direction, to let you know where your feet should be.

I think too much, I know I do. Sometimes I wish I could live my life with the kind of reckless abandon that would let me live in the present, oblivious to the shadows of the past and the future.

Yes, maybe that’s how I should mold myself—a creature of the now, of fleeting pleasures, of spontaneous dreams. I should rip tomorrow out of my consciousness, because tomorrow can be as painful as the past. This way I won’t need direction… I won’t need to chart a path for myself, a trajectory that I should follow.

I can enjoy floating disoriented in space, not seeing the vast blackness stretching before me, but instead observing the beauty of the myriad stars.

But I laugh at myself as I think all this, because I know it takes a certain kind of person to be reckless and free, and I know it’s not me.

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Hmmm… “Rantings of an idiot engineer made more stupid by constant exposure to the sun’s heat” is what I’ll call this entry tomorrow. ~Laugh~ Really, just seeing all these in writing has greatly improved my mood =)

All I Want

I wish somebody would sing me this song right now...

"All You Wanted"

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the time comes
I'd take you away

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah

[x2]
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

Prowling for Bookshops

I really miss going to the bookstore. Lately I haven’t been able to visit one and now I realize I haven’t been able to read anything interesting for weeks. It’s not really because I don’t have the time. There have been days when I leave the office early enough. But too much has been keeping my mind occupied lately that I haven’t been in the mood to settle down with a good book.

I used to go on bookstore forays, figuring out how to commute to shops I don’t usually visit. It’s a nice way to spend my “alone time” and I’d really love to go on another book hunt soon, although so far I don’t have any good titles I’m curious enough about. Maybe when my mind settles down again I’ll plan another trip to an obscure bookshop around the metro. So if anyone can recommend a nice, interesting store I can visit, just give me a holler =)

Lady Luck doth not smile on thee...

Fact: I am really, really royally pissed at myself right now due to some events that happened in the past week.

To the curious: No, this isn't about a new job.

Anyway, new events in my life lately: moved in to a new dormitory. And ominously, the electricity conked out the moment I set foot into my new home away from home. Not a good sign but, well, the hell with it! The next few days still weren't smooth-sailing, though... considering we had to sleep in our "refugee camp" (as we fondly refer to our room ^__^) with no electricity and the hot summer heat threatening to flash-vaporize all our fats (and our sanity with it) into nothingness for two or three nights. And then compounding this never-to-be-forgotten-but-by-the-gods!-should-never-be-repeated experience was the regular disappearance of our water supply as well. Packshet! This seemed to be the only word that comprised my vocabulary last Friday the 13th... and this quick degradation of my language skills can be attributed to the &8@#! water supply that caused me to be tardy for half a day!!!

Saturday seemed to be a sequel to my Friday the 13th horror story, since stupid old me got caught for jaywalking once again. Hah! "Reyna ka na ng sablay," my officemate laughingly commented, and I just had to agree. Good thing I was able to just laugh the whole thing off and not let that episode blow my top off again.

Well today I was late again... yes it was because of the blasted %&@# water supply once again and the &*%@# caretaker who couldn't wake up early enough to turn on the water pump as she should!!! But hey... no use fuming about it... I'll do that another time.