Blab out

Nothing bloggable I can think of right now. But still, I insist on making this entry. Hehehe.. maybe I just want to hear (or in this case, see) myself talk. Need to bleed some of my thoughts out somewhere. And I choose the blogosphere.

Nothing really happening. The cats were away so the mouse played today at work. The mouse being me (cats=bosses of course). Although I didn't really play. More like this thing I was trying to make sense out of played oodles around my head. But I went home satisfied that I've made some major headway in the major principles. Hopefully the further reading I'm planning to do tomorrow will help me get everything down pat.

And early whiffs of summer are starting to make their presence felt in the day's temperature. Goodness, walking to the office in the mornings has been squeezing rapidly increasing amounts of sweat from my pores. I'm starting to eye the little electric fans my officemates currently have in hiding under their desks or buried in heaps of paper on their tables. I have a feeling I'll be looking at them the same way a lost desert traveller would look at a glass of water sometime soon. I am DEFINITELY NOT looking forward to the Japanese summer.

Gawds, I feel like something inside of me just wants to pop out. I'm trying to drown down the feeling with lotsa coffee but I think it's not working. Sleep definitely isn't doing the trick. And now this blabbing on my blog. Sorry guys. Just bear with me. I'm just trying to drain out some of the weird stuff...

Monologue for Monday

Gawds, Monday again tomorrow. I think staying in at home for more than 24 hours on a weekend can do things to your head... like make you afraid of Mondays. I'm dreading it like hell right now.

I know, EVERYONE hates Monday, unless you're one of the lucky shits who get to work at home, whenever you feel like it. Although maybe not having a Monday to dread about has its downsides. For one you don't get to focus all that work-hatred energy on anything. I mean, if Monday is just like any other day to you, then you just might end up hating every day of your week. You end up feeling that you're not getting any breaks. No time-off. No TGIFs!

Whereas for us who suffer from the Monday blues, we just have to deal with the gnawing impulse to make a run for it and cross to another timezone where Monday and all its attending disasters can't catch up with us, for a little more than 24 hours. After that, it's relatively smooth sailing for the rest of the week. And we can actually look forward to the weekend, and sometimes that's just enough motivation to help us jog along and get our jobs done as fast as we can.

And for the more optimistic kind, Monday is that day that can be considered the "blank slate day." You know, it's the start of another gruelling week, when we have to step in to the arena of our own personal day-to-day struggles. We roll up our sleeves, flex our muscles, and prepare to do battle. Monday is when we can really, really feel that the day is just beginning.. the day "with no mistakes in it yet." Sure we may have fucked up that big presentation last week and majorly pissed off the boss. But it's Monday. It's a fresh start to a new week. And it's the day of all days when we can feel that this time... we'll definitely do better.

Hehe.. what am I doing pointing out the good side of Monday? Psyching myself up for tomorrow? Hahaha! Maybe. But still. Despite everything I've said, Garfield still has it right. I hate Mondays.

What Matters Most

I guess all of us lose sight of what's really important in life. I feel I have. I'm almost certain I have. I'm trying to do so many things. I'm dreaming about so many things. I get excited about so many things. But now I think, maybe I've lost sight of what I should really be aiming for. Of what I should be filling my days with. Of what I should be always thinking about.

I should stop being sidetracked. Now that I realize. Now that I know.

But there's also one thing I'm certain about. That tomorrow when I wake up... I'd have forgotten again. This moment. This feeling. I'll have to find it again. Again and again. Again and again and again. Because I'm human. Because that's all I really am.

10 hours in Snooze City

I really should start controlling my big appetite for sleeping. I know sleeping is good, but I'm one of those people who tend to overdo it. Like today. Hit the sack at around 7:30am, regained consciousness at around 1:30pm, but decided to hug my bed to myself for several more minutes. And of course, as usually happens in these situations, I fell asleep again, and the next time I opened my eyes, it was already 5-friggin-30! Hahahaha! That's 10 hrs of my life spent snoozing. Not the most productive way to waste my time (watching CSI and Bleach episodes would have been better!), but maybe my body decided on its own it needed it. I still think I should stop oversleeping, though... then maybe I could actually get to the office on time hehehe!

Oh and for those of you curious why in the hell I retreated to my blankets at 7:30 in the morning... It was because I spent the previous night with friends dancing at a club in Roponggi. We expended almost all our energy enjoying ourselves, waited out the subway station opening at a nearby McDonald's resto (the only one I know of which has a resident bouncer in the premises hahahaha!), and then dragged our sleepy butts home.

Then 10 dreamless hours later, here I am.. refreshed but hungry. So now I think I'll go and cook myself some dinner.

Rationalizing Drawing a Blank

Sometimes you have so much to do that the only way your brain can deal with it is to stare blankly into space... and do nothing.

Yeah, I find myself doing that a lot lately. Hehe.. I've even been talking to myself in my head while staring, like a person who has forgotten what comes after one second ago and before the next minute.

"Hey, what do you find so interesting in that piece of air in front of you? Why are you lookin' at it like that? Is something wonderful going to happen? Right there in that little bit of space that you're so fixated on?"

Hey, please don't start sending for the mental assylum retrieval team just yet. I happen to know I'm still within the borders of the clinically "not crazy". You gotta admit, these thoughts are the sanest thoughts you could possibly have when your body is being pulled in numerous different directions at once. Instead of thinking, "OMG!!! I have a deadline tomorrow!! And the day after that!! And I have to do my laundry!! And I have to blah! blah! blah!...," and then suffering from high blood pressure and a nervous breakdown without even being able to finish enumerating the list of things you have to do in your head, indulging in a few seconds of blanking out and saying totally nonsense things to yourself would be much better and safer, and can even be considered as therapeutic as yoga!

So, the next time you let yourself float into those dazed few seconds of blankness and incoherence, don't feel so guilty. Those few seconds might just have saved you your sanity ;)

Out of Focus

One of my biggest problems is that I can never seem to concentrate on anything that I don't like doing.. hehehehe. Like right now, I should be finishing this training report I have to submit to DOST to get an extension on my overseas clearance... but nooooo.... as you can see I am, at the moment, preoccupied with other things.. here instead of there hehehe...

Sige na nga. Babalikan ko na yung ginagawa ko.

*Sulks out*

Into

It feels like parts of me
are sloughing off in places
like an ancient outer shell,
crumbling to dust and nothingness...

being carried off by the winds of my movements
as I walk toward that
which I want to become...

Exclamation Coins

Ohmyfreakingoodnessgraciouswtf??!!! I'm a friggin' walking piggybank!!! Where did all these gazillion coins come from???

Contrast: Non-Small Talk Dinner

Dinner last night with my project team went well... I can even say it was pretty fun! And here I was all worried that I'd be smothered in small talk again. As I said to a friend today, this time I think I actually enjoyed the conversation more than the food. And that rarely ever happens!

We ate at Sakaeya, a Japanese resto in Queen's. The menu comprised mostly of Japanese dishes, but infused with slightly Japanized Western food. We occupied four tables in all, and each table was free to decide on what they wanted to order (all within the budget, of course).

I guess the great icebreaker of the night was the shochu and beer that our table ordered, and they insisted I have some, too! Interesting thing: the way they prepared to drink the shochu--first they drop in a piece of umeboshi or pickled plum into the tumbler, and then pour in the shochu (which has been mixed in with some hot water, making it a smoking concoction), and then they grind and mash the umeboshi into the shochu, diffusing some its flavor into the drink. After that, it's bottom's up, and I must say, the taste was fairly interesting.

Conversation was made up of Nagoya, Toyota City, secret marriages, mountains in Lahore, diving in Boracay, cooking adobo (with some mention of sinigang), how old is so-and-so and how so-and-so looks younger than us, the English word for that mysterious fish we were eating, original and "actual" sizes of roasted octopi, the working habits of Westerners vs Japanese, shoguns preferring to build capital cities elsewhere other than their hometowns, tuition fees in Todai, San Miguel Beer, living in high places, and some more random stuff I can't remember anymore but which I know I had much fun talking about.

I wish most business dinners could be at least as fun as this... even without the shochu and beer.

Rilkean Heart

(by: Cocteau Twins)

Rilkean heart, I looked for you to give me transcendent experiences
To transport me out of self and aloneness and alienation
Into a sense of oneness and connection ecstatic and magical
I became a junkie for it
I came looking for the next high

And Im sorry Ive been putting the search on the wrong place
I understand that youre confused, feeling overwhelmed
Well thats a feeling state from then, the reality

With cleaning up my emotional life and getting in touch with myself
Im beginning to ground myself in my own sense of being as an entity
One entity on the planet,

Becoming truly self reliant
And become connected with something beyond me
That is where I have to go

Im so sorry Ive been putting the search on the wrong place
Youre lost and dont know what to do
But thats not all of you
Thats your reality today
And that is all okay

I understand that youre confused, feeling overwhelmed
Well thats a feeling state from then, the reality

Rilkean heart

Youre lost and dont know what to do
But its not all of you
Thats your reality today
And now its all okay

I understand that youre confused, feeling overwhelmed
Well thats a feeling state from then, the reality

Rilkean heart

I looked for you to give me transcendent experiences
To transport me out of self and aloneness sent alienation
Into a sense of oneness and connection, ecstatic and magical
I became a junkie for it

I come looking for the next high and Im sorry Ive been putting the search
On the wrong place
I understand that youre confused, feeling overwhelmed
Well loves a feeling straight from then, the reality

Growing up, my emotion of loving and
Getting in touch with myself and Im getting (different from twinlights)
To be proud of myself and my own sense of healing
As connected to an entity of the planet

Look Im truly self-reliant
Ive become connected with something beyond me
And that is where I have to go
Im so sorry Ive been putting the search on the wrong place
Im lost I dont know what to do
Its not all on you
Thats the reality today
Right now its gone
I understand that youre confused
Feeling overwhelmed
Well thats a feeling straight from then
The reality

Rilkean
Heart x7

Im lost I dont know what to do
Its not all on you
Thats the reality today
Right now its all okay
I understand that youre confused
Feeling overwhelmed
Loves a feeling straight from then
The reality

Caffeine for Happiness

Why are there just some days that I seem to sink into a pitiful pit of worldly sadness? The type where you just have to pull out a cigarette from your pack and just puff and poof out all the bad feelings inside you. I don't smoke myself, but if I did, yeah, that's probably what I'd do. But since I don't smoke, I took it out on coffee. Yes! Coffee!

"A tall Maple Soy Latte please..."

That's me ordering coffee at Tully's this morning. I was friggin' late for work, but I didn't care. I just knew I wouldn't be able to do any sort of work without the comfort of coffee, just the mention of which conjures in me images of the warmth of mellow light and comfortable furniture, and the crinkly crisp pages of a good book.

After lunch, there i went again and sought refuge in that hot liquid inside a paper cup. This time it was Caffe Veloce and a medium Cafe Latte.

The coffee was great, the coffee was nice, made me feel sossy, made me feel alive...(hoookaaayy.. stop with the cheesy rhymes *rolls eyes at self*)

But all too soon all the coffee was gone. So I had to live with my gloom unarmed and unbuffered by caffeine for a few hours. Maygolay! It was hell at the office, trying to work in that state of mind.

But of course, nothing lasts forever. That goes for both the good and the bad thingss in life... (Thank goodness it also goes for the bad!!... and thanks,too.. for best friends ;) )

After the hell that was work, I went for dinner at Saizeriya, with the wonderful Process peepol. And yes.. once again... I had to have some coffee..

Heheheh... Pinapakiramdaman ko na nga sarili ko. Might already be exhibiting symptoms of caffeine overload without being aware of it hehehe.. But I'm fine,.. just some shortness of breath when climbing stairs.. teeheeeheee...

But okay yeah.. I should probably tone down on the caffeine for a while. Yeah I will.

Golden Week's Over..

...Back to work tomorrow!

Lazy Saturday afternoon

March of the Penguins

I just finished watching "March of the Penguins" and aaawwwww... it was beautiful. Now I just love penguins more!

It was unbelievable how the parent penguins could go through all the hardships of a harsh winter, near starvation, threats from predators and travelling 140 miles back and forth their breeding grounds, all for the survival of their young.

I couldn't help exclaiming at some parts, like a crazy person hahahah! I'd even say imaginary dialogues for some scenes; the penguins just seemed so human at times.

And the baby penguins were so adorable!! If I had been there with them, I probably couldn't have helped myself and have gone on a hugging frenzy of all those grey, cute, feathery creatures!!! Squiiiiisssshhh!!! Hehehehe... Of course, I don't think the mama penguins would have stood for it. I would have probably been attacked by a mob of angry penguins hahahaha!!

I can't imagine what the people who put this documentary together must have gone through. I mean, 50 degrees below zero? OMG! Makes me feel I was such a wuss complaining about the cold of the Japanese winter... Jeez! Definitely nowhere near what those people experienced in the Antarctic!

You people, watch this documentary! It's gonna be one of those rare times when you learn much while not trying to not fall asleep while you're at it.

Golden Week - Day 1

Today I spent almost 3 hours under the sun, along with hundreds of other people, to watch the 2006 Yokohama Parade. Wasn't anything big really. More an opportunity for some "camera-and-me" bonding.

Click here to see what the parade was all about.. =)

Bleach Everyone!!!

Bleach rocks! Now I know why everyone likes this anime. It has just the right amount of fun, monster-bashing and kick-ass sword-swinging to keep me watching and watching...

Yun nga lang, I have here 70+ episodes... andami! And to think this isn't the complete series yet. Wowzah! Mukhang ilang buwan na marathon ang mangyayari sa kin hehehe! But no matter, from what I've seen so far, it's gonna be one of those things that'll help keep my sanity while I'm here in Japan =)

P.S. Thanks nga pala to YOU for lending me your anime connection. You know who you are... ;)