So how was your yesterday?

Yesterday I woke up with a mental screech seeing it was already friggin’ 7:10 am!! Haha… serves me right for deciding to catch up on some reading at 2am in the morning.

Fortunately, it was one of those rare mornings when my brain is in high gear. Even as I was scrambling down from the top bunk of our bed, I was already mentally working out how I could possibly get dressed and be out the door in 10 minutes or less. Don’t worry, I didn’t skip taking a bath, although how I could have done it in five minutes I’ll leave it to you to imagine.

So yeah, ending of my morning boo-boo was I wasn’t late, even had time for breakfast. Although I hope nobody noticed the bed marks still showing on me, since getting ready at subsonic speeds didn’t give ‘em enough time to disappear. I did my best to cover those on my arms by wearing my trusty jacket, though hehehe…

The adrenaline rush that episode gave me fueled me for a few hours yesterday. I was Ms. Efficient for a while, but as the day progressed I gradually reverted back to my numb-bored state. Heck, by the end of the workday I was well into the beginnings of depression, made worse by the fact that I wasn’t looking forward to spending the night alone in the dormitory. But since nothing could be done about it (which can be said of many things in this blasted universe!), I resigned myself to my usual routine of watching Koreanovelas. After that, though, there was nothing else I wanted to do. And the depression was still creeping in on me so I decided that the best way to kill it, and some time as well, was to get some sleep!

So now I’ve got a full 9 hours of sleep under my belt and I think that must be the reason why this entry is so long. I think it’s time to wear off some of this good-nights’-sleep-energy by doing some real work. And as an added bonus I’ll get to sap off some of my enthusiasm as well hahaha…

Oops, I think my comments are starting to grow some thorns on them. Better stop now.

Alienated

Whoever said we were the ones who knew ourselves best? Right now I’ve proven just how wrong that is.

Just when I thought I’ve understood and categorized myself fully… all this time I thought I knew who I really was… and all that I want in my life as a consequence of the personality I’ve defined for myself…

I discover some unexpected things… things that I’ve loathed in others, but now I find they exist in me as well. It saddens me and confuses me… and scares me as well… because now it’s clear I don’t know myself at all. What other things will I uncover? What other hateful, hidden or forcefully forgotten facets of myself are there still left to surprise me? I wonder when… I’ll become a total stranger, to everyone and to myself…

Wishing on a Star

We all have our images of who we want to be; of what we want to achieve in our lives; on how we want other people to see us and treat us. We all have grandiose dreams, ultimate fantasies, and larger-than-life goals.

And the quest to reach our highest star, or maybe even the act of simply gazing at it, carries us soaring on the winds of joy and ecstasy. It gives us this incomparable rush; it provides us with the will to continue trudging through our mediocre lives, when all we really want to do is stop in our tracks, lie down, and sleep through eternity and everything else.

But I know how dreams can destroy a person. How it can whittle away at your self-esteem until there’s nothing left. How it can drive you to the deepest trenches of despair, and God help you if you can ever find the strength to crawl back out.

Striving for something, having a dream… it requires that delicate balance. It asks us to stretch ourselves to our limits, to reach beyond our perceived weaknesses and convince ourselves that we have more to give. But we must be careful never to totally let go of everything in us. Because if our dreams suddenly dissolve into nothingness, we must never be caught flailing futilely in mid-air, scared and desperate to find something to keep us from falling into the darkness. We must always have that lifeline, to guide us safely back home.

Dreams are wonderful things, but they have the potential to kill us inside as well.

Champloo!

Yippee!!! Yesterday my ex-officemate sent over the Samurai Champloo DVDs that I have been hankering to borrow for so long now. Complete yayness!!!

Now I am DEFINITELY looking forward to the weekend so that i can start watching!!! =)

Cookie Monster

Yes, apparently, our favorite blue-furred monster on Sesame Street has decided to eat healthier! Although he hasn’t totally abandoned munching on cookies, he now considers these delectable confections “sometimes” food (he has even put this fact down into song ^__^). This means that we will be seeing him gobbling down more of fruits and vegetables and other healthy stuff, and less of his favorite cookies, which will now consist of more of the healthier variants (like oatmeal) and less of choco chip type.

All these he has done in the name of the growing number of obese kids, especially in America. I’d like to applaud our furry hero for such a noble pursuit but, I must admit, I’ll miss the totally cookie-crazed blue monster we’ve all come to know and love =)

News Flash

Was in a bit of an accident yesterday when the FX I was riding home from Alabang crashed into a van stopping in front of us. Don't worry, it could barely be called a crash as the driver was able to step on the breaks just in time. The main casualties were the vehicles themselves, each sustaining large dents and a couple of scratches. The passengers were more shocked than hurt. I'm very thankful that nothing worse happened.

Salvation

How do you save a soul?

Gripped in the clutches of despair
Hopelessness clinging to every fiber...
On the brink of unraveling... of falling apart...
Of igniting with one touch

Every second of existence,
trapped in the cusp of pain...
Crying with every breath

Floating in between worlds of consciousness,
reality as surreal as dreams

Nothing, everything... all as one
Meaningless...
Alien...
Hurtful...
Frightening...

Tell me... Tell me...
How do you save a soul?

Please... Tell me...
How can I save MY soul?...

Blast from the Past

"Thundercats! Thundercats! Hooooh!!!"



Hahaha....Fancy hearing these words again. Last night I stumbled upon a rerun episode of Thundercats---rememeber? Lion-oh, Cheetara, Mum-rah... Definitely brought me back to my childhood days of watching cartoons everyday. Everything from Voltron, to the Visionaries, and even the Care Bears ^_^

~Sigh~ Wish I could go back to those wonderfully carefree days... when watching cartoons was enought to make me happy. Ah well, we all have to grow up some time I guess.

Lunar Dust

Slashdot provided a link to an interesting article about the possible dangers lunar dust might pose to future would-be moon colonists. This gives stark emphasis to the many problems and difficulties we have yet to encounter and have to work around on our grand quest of possibly inhabiting the moon.

It's really amazing imagining how one day we can simply hop on a spacecraft and travel to the Moon anytime we want to. But yeah, it's highly improbable that most of us will still be alive to see that happening.

On Hold

So frustrating! I’m in the middle of doing a heat exchanger rating calculation, and I can’t move forward because we don’t know where to get some of the data. This is precisely one of the reasons why something that should take only a couple of hours to do takes days to finish. Data sources should already be established from the very beginning, but I guess this would be asking a bit too much. Plant design wouldn’t be plant design without the confusing jumble of data and documents =(

So to slake off some of my annoyance, I’m sneaking in some Internet surfing time in between frustrating moments with my work. Right now I’m browsing through an article describing how ingenious algorithms designed to identify and catch spam mail work. I can’t imagine the painstaking diligence required of the people behind these, but I bet they get more frazzled with their work than I am right now.

Alright, alright… I’ll get back to my real job now. I just wish I’ll be able to finish something… anything!… today…

And you thought you couldn't earn money sending chain mail...

That's what I thought, too. But this guy has taken chain mail entrepreneurship to new creative heights. Hahaha... nice one... =)

Today is April 1, 2005

May everyone have a fun and wacky April Fool's Day! =) Kudos to those who will be doing the fooling... Tough luck to those who will be fooled.

Also I'd like to congratulate our batch of [insert name of our company here]'s employees. It's been three long years. The big question now for us (and most especially six months from now) is... "Now what?"

I'd also like to give a salute to our former department manager. Today is his last working day in this company and he'll be going back home to Japan on Monday. All I can say is, he was the best, he gave his best, and he led us into finding the best in ourselves, as well. I just hope he forgets about that damn embarrassing speech I made at his farewell party last night because I was sure as hell was babbling.

Another April 1st highlight for this year is the resignation of another one of our colleagues. I really hope she finally finds the happiness that she so desperately needs and very much deserves. I'm afraid I'll soon be losing count of how many have chosen to leave. But I know all of them can't be blamed for their decision.

There's another thing worthy of note on this day. But I can't say it here... someone might get angry. Suffice it to say it's something that made that someone happy =)

Oh, and before I forget, bon voyage to cookie monster! Hope you have raving fun in Japan! Don't forget our o-miyage! ^__^

Thought snippets

The following is an excerpt from my thought process while I was working on my hydraulics calculation this afternoon. Notice the complete irrelevance of what I was thinking to what I was doing. Ah well, that’s a topic for another blog entry, so just read on…

Decisions are always there for us to make. The world is so rife with choices, sometimes you just wish that everything in your life was already laid out as neatly as a movie script, so you wouldn’t have to suffer wracking your brain weighing pros and cons, what-ifs and what-nots.

But then, there’s always destiny and fate, if you believe in that kind of stuff--the world’s way of assuring us that whatever little choices and paths we decide to take as we fumble through our lives, we’ll eventually end up exactly where destiny wants us to be. This could be a good thing… because then, technically, nothing is ever our fault >: ) But saying it like that… makes it sound like a bad thing.

What-eh-vah!