Regression

Two steps forward. One step back. Most people do it. I do it, too. And I disappoint myself so many times because of it.

I imagine my mind to be bound and tied, limited and punctuated to a tenuous stop. Sometimes I visualize an unraveling. Of everything that's pinning me down. It is at those times that I ridiculously equate the sudden sensation of inner spaciousness to that symbolic image of caged doves flying out to freedom.

The feeling is serene. It creates calmness in my demeanor. It is as if everything I perceive is in its proper place. And that whatever else I encounter as I move forward will only also fall into their intended niches, without so much fuss.

But then the step back. The creation of chaos. The destruction of arrangement. Sometimes I know why it happens. But sometimes I feel that it is something that simply happens. And I shouldn't force myself to find a reason to put my finger on.

Two steps forward. One step back. Oh how I yearn to erase that last sentence. But how can I? I've surrendered to its inevitability. And soon I know I will be able to cloak it in the trappings of fact.